the end is here

Well, we are coming to the end of my adventure here in Kugluktuk. It is hard for me, reflecting back on the past 2 years, as they are filled with a lot of laughter, love, and hardship.

I fell in love with this community as soon as I moved here. The spirit of the summer, everyone embracing the never-ending sunlight, despite the swarms of mosquitos. The spirit of fall as everyone is eager for the snow to fall so that they can use their skidoos to get out on the land. The spirit of the Christmas season as the community gathers for season-long celebrations. And the time when spring finally arrives, marked by the sunrise and the Nattiq Frolics.

Sadly, the love that I had for this community was not reciprocated, and that has been damaging for me. It becomes so excruciatingly difficult to care, to get out of bed, to put in any effort when time and time again, everything that I have actually accomplished is ignored, or even worse, put down and crushed. However, I did care, I did get out of bed, and I continued to work hard despite all of that. I know that even though very few people may acknowledge the difference that I have made, however big or small, or however long it might last, that I did something good and at least made a positive change for the children here.

I know that there are many people who actively despise me, who don't respect my efforts as an outsider coming in, who believe that things will improve once I go. I suspected that it would be difficult, as someone from somewhere else, from a different culture and a different lifestyle, to fit in and to find common ground with the parents and the families here. I am so thankful for the parents who welcomed me, who encouraged me and who stood behind me and held me up when I was ready to just flop down and stay there.

Don't get me wrong - it wasn't all bad. This place is so beautiful. I have learned so much about Inuit and the North, and I have experienced some unforgettable things, like walking on the ocean ice, building an igloo, having my breath taken away by the Northern Lights..

I have learned a great deal about myself, my ability to overcome obstacles that felt impossible, to persevere in spite of those who were actively discouraging me from pressing on,

I have learned how thin I can be stretched before I break, and how to come back from being broken.

I have learned the importance of self-care and self-love and how to say no.

I have learned how very important it is to disregard those who are toxic and mean only harm.

I have learned how to maintain professionalism, even when the parents are acting like children, being bullies, being rude.

I have learned to stand up, really stand up for what I believe is important, what I believe needs to change, what I believe should be the priority.

Most importantly, I have learned that it's ok for me to walk away, to continue searching for something to make me happy, and that I am not obligated to be miserable just because there are some people who are relying on me and depending on me for their own convenience.


What will happen next? No idea.

The feeling is unsettling and unnerving. I'm the kind of person who prefers to have control, to know what's going to happen next, to have a plan. Though I am certainly someone who knows that life rarely goes according to plan, it still provides me with peace of mind knowing that there is a plan. So, I am taking a giant leap way out of my comfort zone and trusting that things will fall into place and work themselves out. As long as I continue working towards my goals and live responsibly, everything should end up ok, if not great.

I will continue with professional development through online programs. I have been thinking about also doing Children & Youth Human Rights and Addictions Studies certificates while completing the Children's Mental Health certificate. I may or may not pursue grad school for next fall. I'm not sure now that I've found the right program for me, and I need to do a bit more self-discovery and more exploration of what my options are. The plan for now is to move back to Toronto, to find work I enjoy, and to spend time with the people I love, for I have desperately been missing the life I left behind. Though I am not returning the same person I was who I left, I am excited to get back to some normalcy, to city life, to access to malls and restaurants and fresh produce.

A HUGE thank you to the people who have been with me every step of this journey and telling me to keep my chin up during the hardest of times: Mom & Dad, Laura, Jesse & Sol, Geraldine, Zachary, Chris, Steve & Kerry, Peter & Amanda, Wynter, and Lena.

Off I go - into the next part of my life, doing whatever it is I will be doing and going wherever the wind takes me!

Impulsive changes

I have always been the kind of person to make impulsive decisions that end up changing my life dramatically. Just over a year ago, I made the radical decision to move to Nunavut to be a daycare manager in a small hamlet.  Over the last year, I met an amazing man, made tons of awesome friends and have learned an enormous amount about who I am personally and professionally. I have developed many new skills, improved my ability to adapt to new environments, and learned that I can't do everything, I don't know anything, and with an open mind, life can take you anywhere. 

Despite all of the things I have learned, and of all the ways I have changed, I am still one impulsive girl. 

Over the last few weeks some major changes have taken place in my life. 

I decided to sign a new contract with the daycare, this time with changes to my position.  My new title is the Administrator. After spending a year being responsible for all administrative, operational, human resources and programming duties, I learned that it is too much for one person to handle and to maintain any sort of life outside of work.  I was taking work home with me every night, constantly feeling stressed and that there were never enough hours in the day. Now, I'm responsible for the administrative side of management, including bookkeeping, payroll, invoicing, developing policies and procedures, researching and completing funding applications, and ensuring that we are in good standing financially as well as complying with all legislation and regulations. It has only been 2 weeks since I started in this position, and I every day it's is becoming more and more evident to me that I have a passion for policy development at the organizational level, but also territorial and federal levels. The contract is for another year, ending July 7, 2015. 

Another big change that was also rather impulsive, was to rent a beautiful 3 bedroom house across the street from where I'm currently living.  My nephew is just abou big enough to be needing his own room, and I have been craving to have a space of my own. The lease lines up perfectly with the end of my contract, and the house is close enough that I can still see my family whenever I feel like it. Though I will be seeing them every day, as my nephew will be attending the daycare full-time starting in August! 

Joining me in my new house will be this adorable pup (and major impulsive decision #2):

He's a mini schnoodle (schnauzer poodle x). Right now he's living in Hamilton and will be ready to come home to me August 2nd....

...which leads to impulsive decision #3:

Instead of simply having him shipped up in live cargo, this girl decided in the spur of the moment to book a two week holiday to go pick up little McGuff. As a bonus, I'll get to see most of my immediate and expanded family, a great number of friends, and run some errands that are impossible to run in the Arctic! 

I take off the 27th and can't wait for my summer getaway from all the mosquitos and limited bandwidth! 

First few weeks

I've been abandoning the blog the past couple of weeks, not because there is nothing to report, but rather because there is so much and I wouldn't know where to start.

The first week open was probably what you would expect for the first week of a first-time manager and staff with minimal training and preparation pressured in to opening before they were completely prepared. Programming was minimal, the daily schedule was nothing but a draft, and we were still in the midst of installing gates to keep the children from getting in to the kitchen and running out the building.

I quickly realized that staffing was a major issue, which I won't get in to, just that it's difficult to work under a Board that doesn't really have any understanding about how group size influences the quality of the environment and that ratios are legislated for a reason. I've also had almost an entire staff turn-over, replacing 2 of my full-time staff within the last two weeks.

I've been busy this week writing proposals to the Board identifying how I believe our donations and fundraising should be put to use, as well as writing a proposal to the association that pays our wages to amend our contract to add more full-time positions.

Things are getting better, slowly, as we get used to the routines and the children are more familiar with the environment and each other. Before taking these last two days as sick days, I managed to get some programming done just for this week, but it was something.

For now I'm going to spend all my energy getting rid of this illness and hopefully be back to 100% to try again next week. Also to watch all of season 9 of Grey's to prepare for the two-hour Season 10 premier next Thursday!

focusing on the process

A few things came up this week that put orientation on hold, but we did manage to get in a good day of playing and talking about the importance of open-ended materials and focusing on the process rather than the product. Here's some documentation of Wednesday afternoon:

Two of the staff simultaneously started making houses:

It was a little bit tricky for some to move away from "school work"

 I wonder if you can guess which one I made!